Cheating without Sex: Anyone who has an emotional affair cheats the partner on the emotional level. What is so dangerous and how you recognize it, you will find out here.
Who lives in a monogamous relationship and has sex with a third person , in which the matter is clear: This person has an affair . But where does infidelity start in an exclusive partnership? When kissing? Flirting? Or is there a stage before that when we should speak of strangers?
Experience shows: Japp! Because also, who has an (only) emotional affair, …
- abuses the trust of his partner,
- is unfaithful,
- cheats him,
- risked hurting him
- and: endangers the relationship!
Reasons enough to take a closer look at this kind of strangers!
Emotional affair: a definition
An emotional affair is a close relationship outside of the relationship in which the person is emotionally more involved than in the relationship with the partner. In short: If you have an emotional affair, the third person tends to be more important than your own life partner.
In contrast to a sexual affair, cheating on emotional cheating (at first) takes place only on the emotional level and without physical activities such as petting , necking , quickie or tongue kissing . The participants spend a lot of time together, sharing the most private things – often details from the partnership – and feel connected in a very special way. Typically, there is also sexual tension between the two (main difference to Platonic love ). Sometimes an emotional affair develops into a sexual one over time.
Recognizing emotional affair: 10 signs that you are cheating on your partner
Since in the emotional affair the clearest indicator of an infidelity – foreign sex – missing, it is often not so easy to recognize , not even for the active participants. But there are some warning signs that strongly suggest that the relationship with your good friend is more than a friendship.
These 10 signs are typical of an emotional affair:
- You are in constant contact , even if you do not see each other.
- You talk about very intimate topics , including details about your relationship.
- He or she is the first person you contact when you have “news” .
- The person is constantly in your thoughts .
- With her, you feel that she REALLY understands you .
- You spend a lot of time together.
- You are lying or hiding the relationship in front of your partner, or at least parts of it, for example, individual meetings, frequency of your contact, your true feelings …
- You compare your partner with the person.
- You neglect your partner in favor of your special friendship.
- You have a bad conscience towards your partner.
Recognizing emotional affair: 7 signs that your partner is cheating on you
If you suspect that your partner is emotionally deceiving you, it is usually difficult to find evidence for it – especially if you are not aware of any guilt. But even in this case, there are warning signals that you can pay attention to. These 7 signs indicate that your partner has an emotional affair.
- Your partner distances himself from you or nags more often around you.
- He behaves suspiciously , for example, quickly puts away the phone when you approach him or closes the laptop when you surprise him.
- Your partner suddenly makes a noticeable amount of overtime.
- Suddenly he is interested in things that did not matter to him earlier.
- Your partner talks a lot about a certain person and their opinion seems to be overly important to him (sometimes more important than yours …).
- Your gut feeling tells you something is wrong.
- If you try to talk to your partner, he immediately goes on the defensive and plays down his “friendship” with that person noticeably.
Emotional affair: what to do?
If you think you or your partner have an emotional affair, you should not ignore it or downplay it ! According to the motto “as long as there is no sex in the game, it’s not so bad”. First of all, an emotional affair can, as I said, erupt into a sexual relationship and, secondly, it is a sign that something is wrong in your partnership .
Whoever goes astray, seeks something that he does not get from his partner in his affair. Often this shortcoming is even more serious in an emotional affair than in a physical one, because then it is usually about profound things , such as respect, trust, closeness, tolerance, and not “merely” pleasure and eroticism.
Therefore, there is only one way to an emotional affair:
- Admit that it is foreign
- Talk honestly with your partner about the affair
- Seek together for causes and problems in your relationship
- Work on these issues (if necessary with a couple therapist!)
- Attract the consequences: a) hold on to the partnership and end the affair OR b) end the event and possibly give the affair a real chance
If you come to the conclusion that your relationship is over, there is nothing wrong with trying to do it with the emotional affair – even though it may feel wrong or sneaky. However, you should first give yourself time to work through your separation pain and go through the four phases of separation at your own pace.
If you and your partner agree that the affair was, above all, a warning shot and it made you realize how much you are together and that it is the true love between YOU , you should strive to make it more active and beneficial for you to show more clearly . An inspiration for what that might look like can be found in our article ” Little things that happy couples do for each other ” or below in the video.