It’s not nobody approaches me, or that I turn away every single guy that approaches me or that I think I’m too good for everyone whom asks me out, or that I’m unapproachable, I just have established some standards for myself.
I’m not going to waste my time on someone that isn’t totally into me, that isn’t into me as much as I’m into them – because I (and I’m sure many others) tend to always be the one that gives more and loses herself. You must protect yourself.
And given that I haven’t yet found someone who is super compatible with me, someone I find attractive, AND they treat me right and fit me into their life, I am “dating” myself in the meantime.
And, I’m enjoying it to the absolute fullest. No one else to worry about, no one else’s feelings to hurt, no one to “keep tabs on.”
Because you should never settle for someone mediocre just because you want to be in a relationship. Learn yourself first. Just knowing what you like and dislike and what you won’t stand for, (which I’m sure you can learn from your past relationships) allows you to set some boundaries for yourself with dating in the future.
I will admit, for a short while I was on that “I must find a boyfriend” quest, because it had hit the 3-year mark for me being officially single and that 3-year mark hit hard and made me think to myself, “wow I need to start dating again or else I’m going to be single until I’m 40.”
I don’t know why 3 years was any more important than one or two, but I suppose it just really put things into perspective for me.
But you know what, whether it be one or two or TEN years, you shouldn’t put pressure on yourself to “start dating again,” just because some time has elapsed. What you should instead focus on is, “How can I heal and mend from my past relationships? How can I discontinue unhealthy dating patterns with the future?”
Healing from your past takes a lot of self-work, and are we ever really fully healed? Probably not. It’s really a life-long process. People enter into relationships all the time and start dating long before they are over their exes, but is that really creating a solid foundation for the next relationship??
Not to say that you must be “100% over your ex” before going back into the dating sphere, but what I will say is making sure to take some time to yourself and focus on YOU and your quirks, what you can learn from your past relationships, and dating YOURSELF for some time before diving into yet another relationship can really make for much healthier dating styles in the future.
If you are going through a rough breakup, don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t rush yourself to “get over him,” or feel guilty about thoughts of the relationship popping into your head. It will fade over time.
But something we can all do, whether our last relationship was last week or 5 years ago, first off, find an outlet that allows us to express our feelings about the person – the good feelings, the bad, the resentment, sadness – whatever it is you are feeling! Whether it be writing poetry, journaling, listening to music, or just talking to a therapist. Find your outlet. You may also find a new hobby in it too.
Second, learn to love the things you used to love doing, or even now love. That’s what I mean when I say date yourself. Take yourself out to coffee, dinner, a movie, or shopping. Hang out with yourself, find what you like and dislike for YOURSELF. Learn to love yourself for all of your quirks and likes and dislikes and passions you have. Love every part of it.
Maybe you end up using this time to work on getting healthier, taking up a new hobby, or learning a new trade, traveling solo, or getting back in touch with friends that you’ve gotten out of touch with.
But one thing I will tell you, is being single DOES NOT SUCK. If anything, it can be pretty fucking empowering as you get to know yourself on a whole new level and learn things about yourself that you may have never known. When there is no one else to lean on, you at least have yourself.
Being single doesn’t suck. Choosing to be single is one of the best journeys of self-discovery I have ever taken. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my share of flings and dating in between, many that have come into my life to distract me and teach me things along the way, but consciously choosing to wait for someone I really connect with before jumping into a serious relationship has been one of the best things I have ever done.
In doing this, you can save yourself from a lot of wasted time and allow yourself to be available for those you will really connect with.