Doubt, insecurity, tension, fear , fear and again fear!
You guessed it already: The speech is from the first time. Respectively of what we feel about it.
For most of them, the first time is an emotional change bath that they will remember all their lives.
Completely okay, after all, the first sex is one of the milestones on our way and change baths should be good for the immune system … 🤷♀️
Nevertheless, the negative faction of our feelings could just before the first intercourse quiet times keep your feet a little quieter.
Because in the worst case, it can completely spoil our unique life experience . And that would be too bad!
Here are six questions that most people are particularly unsure about before their First Time – and six answers that may at least take some of their anxiety away from one or another of them.
The First Time: 6 questions, 6 answers
1. When is the optimal time?
According to a survey of the dating portal secrete of 2000 participants, the adolescents in Germany have sexual intercourse on average for the First Time at 17.2 years.
Surprising Fun Fact on the Edge: According to this study, men are 17 years later than women (17).
A survey of 1000 millennial from Europe and the US , conducted by D Red, showed a similar picture: the average age at which respondents said goodbye to their virginity is 17.4 years .
Means for us: Nothing at all! It does not matter what the others are doing, the optimal time for our First Time is when we feel ready to do so.
What does “feeling ready” mean? For many, their lust, curiosity and impatience for sex is greater than their fear of it. For others, however, willingness can also come from the feelings of partner or partner.
The desire to enter into a special bond with him and to take the next step in the relationship .
Important : We should NEVER let ourselves be forced to sex , neither by any statistics nor by a friend or a friend. If we do not feel like it at 17 and we do not have it at 22, we’ll just give it a break. And if we as a 13-year-old girl look for sex and the right partner, nothing speaks against it.
As the only “objective” rule for the optimal time, which is really valid for almost all, is that the sexual maturity should already be reached.
Because if the sex hormones are not in progress and our sexuality is not yet developed, it will probably be difficult with lust, wetness and orgasm.
2. Is he the right one?
As for the right sex partner , we know the answer best.
Do you trust him?
Do you have a tingling sensation in his stomach because of him ?
Does the boy go for you?
Does he let you decide without pushing?
Do you enjoy necking , petting , caresses , tongue kissing and other sexual caresses from and with him?
Do you have a good relationship sexually and emotionally?
Do you feel like taking the lad to the next step?
If you answer “yes” to all these questions, you probably have a good candidate for the first time. It does not matter if he is a virgin or has experience .
In the first case, we grope together carefully and maybe a bit awkwardly (at some point we laugh at it then), otherwise we can give him more of the helm and benefit from his experience.
Both can be beautiful, both have advantages and disadvantages .
What we should generally consider : Our first sexual partner is not (necessarily) our one true love and our partner for life.
Of course, we do not want to lose our virginity to any solid post (and that does not necessarily have to be bad – any, as she likes!), But we do not have to worry too much about that question.
If the chemistry is right, our feeling fits and he’s a good guy, what more do we want? One has to be the first one.
3. Does it hurt?
Some call it so, others so. And do you know why? Because (pain) feeling is subjective.
One thing is for sure : Sexual intercourse is a natural act for which we and our vagina are perfectly built and which, when it comes to nature, we should run it with pleasure. The pain can not be unbearable. Healthy is sex on top of that.
It is also clear that the vagina and vaginal area are sensitive areas anyway, and when, for the first time in our lives, a penis penetrates into areas of our body that have never been penetrated before, this of course feels weird and unfamiliar when we introduce it , and for some it may feel like it Pain.
And then there’s the hymen ! The small cuticle at our entrance to the vagina protects our internal organs from dirt (before this function takes on the so-called white flow during puberty) and typically tears at the first penetration through a penis .
It can also be painful and even bleed slightly in some – but many do not even notice the snapping of the hymen in the heat of the moment and bleeding is not a must.
Worse and more common cause of pain is actually anxiety and extreme tension (i.e those who, for the First Time, are especially uncomfortable in their memory).
As a result, our muscles tend to be intimate and we do not get enough moisture. Lubricant can help you stay relaxed and have fun even more!
4. What do we do best?
In general, we should take our time the first time and be in a safe environment . For most, it’s exciting enough anyway, so we do not have to provoke additional stress or thrills.
In addition, it has proven useful not to switch from 0 to 100 . Necking, petting, smooching and what else is the prelude to it, we should have practiced schoolmarm, otherwise we’ll be scared in the end, if he just kisses our neck or something.
In the ideal case, we also already have some experience with our body – yes, we mean masturbation !
5. Can I get pregnant the First Time?
If we are sexually mature (that is, in a nutshell, have our period already), we can get pregnant the First Time, yes. Anyone who does not want that should definitely think of contraception .
The pill, of course, has the advantage that, while we sleep together, we have nothing to do with it.
But condoms are still the only contraceptive that also protects against various sexually transmitted diseases caused by body fluids.
Those who are unsure should consult with the gynecologist, because the best method of contraception may vary from woman to woman.
6. What can happen in the worst case?
The worst thing that can happen to us the first time can theoretically happen intercourse every time we catch a transmissible disease .
But this danger is relatively easy to exclude (keywords: condom, partner know).
The second worst thing is probably that we get pregnant unintentionally. Again, if we fulfill our part (magic word means contraception), we move on very thick ice.
And the third worst? Well, that would already be the last “catastrophe”, but also the one that happens most often: that the First Time we did not hit the stool like we expected .
In that case, head up and keep trying. For one thing we can promise: For most it will be a lot better the second time !