That nicknames are the expression of happy relationships, we know. But what about general manners in the partnership? How should we best talk so that we are happy and together for a long time? What is the best way to resolve conflicts? Researchers at the University of Arizona have investigated the latter in a long-term study of 192 couples and have published their findings in the Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine.
Arguing is good for relationship and health
Over a period of 32 years, the scientists have been accompanying the couples and checking their relationship and the physical health of both partners. In doing so, they questioned the subjects specifically to deal with conflicts in the partnership and then grouped them into groups, such as “when I’m angry, I show that to my partner” or “when I’m annoyed, I tend to do it to myself “.
The result: The best thing to do was to affect the relationship and health of the partners when both partners were open to conflict and venting their anger. In figures: these couples were at risk of dying within 30 years, 24 percent for men and 18 percent for women.
The main thing, both partners have the same dispute strategy
But now it gets really interesting: More important than the question of how conflicts are carried out, it is obvious, whether in the partnership both rely on the same strategy!
Here again the data: If both partners in the relationship were inclined to hold back their feelings and not openly settle conflicts, the risk of an early death was again 18 percent for women and 35 percent for men – just slightly higher than for women Armed taps.
For couples with different conflict cultures, the death-risk-values were about twice as high! If she held back while venting his anger, the scores were 51 percent (men) and 36 percent (women), conversely 49 percent (men) and 28 percent (women).
Disagreement causes stress
Kyle Bourassa, study director and psychologist, explained the results to ” Daily Mail ” as follows: “If one partner wants to dispute disagreements while the other dispute prefers, both are unconsciously dissatisfied with how their conflicts are dealt with Everyday life to stress more often – and has a long-term negative impact on health. ”
However, when couples agree on disputes over deliveries or fizzles, they tend to be happier, less stressed and healthier.
So it does not matter if we are contentious or rather avaricious: as long as we have someone on our side with whom we are on a common denominator on this issue, we have a good chance of many years together . And Bourassa also emphasizes that swallowing trouble is generally not the best way! Because even in other environments (job, friendships, relatives), we often find ourselves in conflict situations in which we have to stand up for ourselves. And where could we practice better than in the relationship with the person we trust most?